A woven Painting named Rudy

From may 2012

Rudy whispered her first words to me a few weeks ago. We agreed that she was going to have sections that were woven like a tapestry piece, and some sections with sewing. I've really been thinking about my scarves of paintings lately, and have been having a lot of fun.

In the midst of creating Rudy my life got a bit crazy, I had a student teacher, was planning the annual art show, and then my husband ended up in the hospital for 4 days. 

It's funny how the brain shuts down, how it runs on auto pilot and all you're really doing is waking, sleeping, eating, and breathing.

The scarves fell silent, no words flowed from my pen. It seemed as though half of my brain had fallen out the second that we entered the hospital.

I stopped feeling. It was like a dream, but fair less real than my dreams. 

There was no ability to acknowledge my fear, my sadness, my empty heart. 

The scarves went silent perhaps because they knew that I didn't have time for them. They knew that I couldn't carry the weight of their stories. I couldn't be pushed. I was at the edge and didn't even know it. 

The scarves went silent because there was no room for daydreaming. I needed to pay attention, I needed things to make sense. 

No voices were heard because there wasn't room for me to be me. I needed to pay attention so that I didn't get lost. 

The right brain gave up because now wasn't the time to be making crazy connections. I didn't need to think of all of the possible outcomes.

And so a brain that is normally filled with chatter and images fell strangely silent. And I felt half alive, I didn't know who I was or what to do with me. 

And now Begins the wonderfully painful journey of turning the voices back on. Of understanding how scared I was. Of knowing that the journey isn't over.

Now begins the thaw were the tears begin to drop down my cheeks.

Now begins my acknowledging the truth.

From may 2012

From may 2012

I was really intrigued that the creative side of my brain seemed to totally stop functioning through this time. I took pieces to crochet while at the hospital with my husband, but I couldn't make anything, I just left it in my bag. And the second that my husband was home I was back in the studio, Rudy started talking again, and couldn't wait to get off of the loom.

The experience made me start thinking about Maslows Hierarchy of  needs. Creativity is at the very top, and the uncertainty of my husbands health promptly made me plummet all the down to the bottom, there was no security or safety. It was amazing to me how quickly I could drop, and how fast I moved back up to the top and began experiencing creativity again.

When you're going through something incredibly challenging in your life, how does it change you?

From may 2012

From may 2012
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