Open your eyes... Open your Heart... Live your Dreams
I was really excited to work on Leah, and was also looking to find rest in her. Taking a break, stopping, breathing, I'm not great at any of those things. My mind is always going. There is always another idea, another book to read, blog post to write, another something.
On one of the last days of school I was sitting in the classroom with my students, when they informed me that one of my former students had just died. I was shocked, but there was no time to process, no time to cry, I had a room full of students, and so I suppressed what I was feeling and moved on. But I have learned that these things that are pushed away because we don't have time to deal with them, have a way of sneaking up at even worse times and forcing you to deal with them.
I wanted to stop, I wanted to take the time to acknowledge and process the loss.
Leah became my vehicle to process. Her crocheted edge is not as random as it might look. All of the stitches are stitches done with the number seven, seven chain stitches, seven in the shell crochet, seven double crochet in a row. Yes for hours on end I counted 1. 188.8.131.52.6.7....184.108.40.206.5.6.7....220.127.116.11.5.6.7.... and it was wonderful.
There was great peace and silence in the rhythm that developed.
There was prayer, thankfulness, tears, there was rest.
I took the time to think about what we lose when someone leaves the earth. What I remembered about this student was his joy, his smile, the way that he bounced into the room. What I realized, what I felt, was the fact that the wonderfully joyful spirit that he shared with the world was gone, and there was a real feeling of lose followed by a comfort that his joyful spirit is now all around us. In everything, in the wind. This is the best way that I can put it into words.
And I continued to crochet, and continued to count, continued to become aware of the world around me. Leah brought to me a new understanding of life, the life that is available if we are willing to sit still enough and quiet enough to experience it.
|From june 2012|
What are you missing?
What do you need to hear?
What do you need to see?