Why you Can't be in Control

I've had the last 5 days off from teaching, and fully intended to spend most of the time in my studio creating, what I didn't expect was to spend 3 of those days in the studio, feeling totally disconnected and hating everything .

Frustrated, is a nice way to express how I was feeling. When I'm not connected to my work, well it doesn't work... nothing looks good, there is a disconnect between the materials, my mind, and hands. Several times, I heard the whisper "stop, write, figure out what's going on with you." But I was in a stubborn place,  I just kept pushing through and making things worse. So I sat and made a few more scarves that I didn't like.

Finally Sunday night I'd had enough. I sat down to do some free writing. I only wrote for a few minutes, but it was enough. I didn't determine what was going on with me.  

But I did acknowledge that things weren't working, that I didn't feel like myself. I admitted that I wasn't sure what I wanted, or where I was going.

I felt better for admitting this. I felt better because I let go. I was trying to be in control, trying to have all of the answers. When I"m in control, good things don't happen. I'm just sorry that it took me 3 days to admit it.

Monday, I woke up feeling new, and ready to create. I headed into the studio, with excitement, and was ready to make all the "bad" scarves that I"d worked on over the last three days good scarves. It is so much easier to create and design, when I just let go and let it flow. I completed three scarves, and made some more progress on two other pieces, it felt so good. 

No matter what kind of work you do, when things aren't working, it doesn't always mean that you should try harder, sometimes it means that you're trying to hard, and instead that you need to totally let go.

Things are always better when God is control, my problem was not the scarves, or the designs, my problem was far beyond that, making an attempt to determine where the scarves and I were going to go in a year.

There must be a balance between having goals, knowing what you're reaching for, and then letting go. For three days I had goals, knew what I was reaching for, and was determined to make it happen on my own.. that failed.

Monday I had goals, knew what I was reaching for, and then let go. That resulted in some pretty awesome scarves.

Leave a comment below: How do you know when you're trying TOO HARD to be in control? How do you let go?

image from: http://blog.modcloth.com/2012/08/15/quote-of-the-day-neil-gaiman-on-mistakes/

PS: if you like any of the scarves pin them, and share them on facebook.

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1 comment:

Angela Heim said...

Your post completely resonates with me. I know I don't have control over the big things in life but I do have control over how I perceive the moment and how I use the ‘loss of control’. People call me a control freak, and for the most part, that box fits; however, I fully embrace the lack of control that I have and I listen, learn and grow from it. I listen to hear what I am doing wrong, listen to where I should be going; taking a moment to reflect on the things that went wrong, right and move on knowing that I can't control it entirely but I can learn from it. When I am faced with a situation that I just don’t understand why or how or when I think “There are things happening around me that my brain can not begin to understand, but I know that the things happening are for a reason” and I find comfort in that thought. Sure, I don’t want to feel discomfort or struggle (or any bad emotion, really) but I know I must experience this situation to learn and grow from it. Some of the worst experiences I have had resulted in a huge period of growth in my life. I embrace the things I can’t control.